Flowing with the Feminine

‘The key to a good blog is consistency’ said my 17 year old son at some point last year and I’ve got to be honest, that is something I struggle with especially around creating. I’ve been blocked from writing this blog because I feel constrained by having to try and be consistent when actually it’s not really part of my creative nature. What I really want to do is to be able to write when I feel like it, when I have something I really want to share from my heart or wombspace and to leave it when I don’t. I told myself I couldn’t do this because it might result in three posts in a week and then none for 6 months which wouldn’t give a very good impression or be consistent which is what I am told I must be. Sigh.

This is but one small example of how I hold myself back when I am more tuned into my masculine traits. It’s really coming home to roost for me how much I am in my masculine around pretty much everything but especially around work. I set goals, follow an action plan, I expect a trajectory, I expect progress. I force myself to work in ways that don’t really suit me because ‘they’ say it’s how it has to be. This leaves me finding it very difficult to cope when the natural cyclical ebbs and flows of work catch me out or I don’t progress as I had hoped. There feels such a pressure to be more than I am at all times and I see other people seeming to be able to do it and I don’t understand how.

I have always had to fight for everything. I’ve always had the Warrior armour on and I fight on regardless. I have a lot of strength, courage, determination and will. I often think that I could leap small buildings in a single bound with it all. But ultimately it’s not good for me and I don’t thrive when I live my life this way. It’s too clenched and structured and rigid and controlled. There is no flow and it does not foster that spark of creativity for me when I work in my masculine.

This year has been a doozy for me in terms of healing and processing. I am approaching my 50th birthday and it’s like the Universe has gone ‘we are going to bring to your attention all the crap that you need to get rid of before you turn 50 so that you can transition into the next decade with only what you need.’ Nice idea Universe but blimey it’s been tough to process. There have been triggers and curveballs all over the place. One of which has been me being brought to my knees around my work. Things just did not feel like they were flowing for me and no matter what I tried I couldn’t shift it. I then tried getting a part-time job and that didn’t work either. ‘What do you want from me?!!’ was my angry and desperate plea.

‘We want you to soften.’ was the response.

I had a realisation right then and there. I have been waiting to soften my whole life. Waiting till I can get to the point where someone will look after me and I can put the armour down. Waiting to earn enough from my work that I can relax. Always waiting. Always looking ahead. Always wanting to know what is going to happen. Always wanting to know when I can just soften and melt into gentleness but feeling like I can’t do it yet because this, this and this needs to sort itself out first.

Softening requires trust. I requires letting go now even if I don’t know how things are going to turn out. Trusting that I will be taken care of no matter what and that it doesn’t have to be purely down to my own effort and energy. The Universe will do it’s part to fully support me but only if I allow it.

I am currently reading ‘Rise Sister Rise’ by Rebecca Campbell and a line in there really struck me. The jist of it was that if we want to heal the Patriarchy (which we obviously do) then we have to heal the Patriarchy inside. That hit me right between the eyes or more like between the ovaries. I am working in a masculine way and keeping the Patriarchy alive and well inside my body. I knew I definitely did not want that. Another way beckoned. Something whispered in my ear ‘lean into the feminine, inside you and outside.’

I realised how masculinised my concept of a Higher Power was and how I was trying to tap into that Provider energy in running my business and my life. I realised that Mother Earth just exists and everything we all need is provided for us naturally. She has her cycles and seasons and each one has a purpose. She is not doing all the time. She is not producing all the time. There is a flow.

I felt like I was being directed to let go of my reliance on the masculine way of working and the reliance on the masculine elements of a Higher Power and lean totally into the feminine. Since then I’ve consciously been leaning into the Feminine both within myself and in the spiritual beings I am choosing to connect with. I am a Woman. I am meant to be changeable and cyclical. I am meant to dance and to flow to be at my most creative. I am meant to rest when I need to, play when I need to. I had a sense of coming home to myself.

Since then I’ve been leaning into and relishing my connection to Mother Earth. I’m choosing to connect in with Kali for protection and direction. I’ve been meditating with Mother Mary, Mary Magdalene and Quan Yin to name but a few. Oh my gosh it feels so much gentler. I’m noticing how much easier it feels to work from a place of feminine flow. I am working in balance with my energy levels and my wellbeing in a deeper way than I ever have. The work I have done recently feels potent and more powerful than it ever has. I feel more myself then I ever have. It’s all very new and I am sure this energy will refine itself, changing and adapting as my needs and wishes change.

I still don’t know how it will all turn out. I don’t know what the Goddess has planned for me around my working life but I know for sure that softening is the key as well as learning to live in the not knowing, simply trusting that all will be well. I am taking it a day at a time. Playing with and experimenting with this new way of being. Making mistakes I’m sure but that’s OK. I feel just for today that I can let my life unfurl and unfold at it’s own pace.

So my blog will be imperfect. There may be a rash of posts as I get all excited about creation and then nothing for a while but I’ve realised that that’s just how I want to roll and so if it’s OK with me then it’s OK and that’s that.

Thanks for reading!

Lots of Love to you all
Lisa x